WORDS SAID OR THOUGHT WHILE GIVING BIRTH

This past Wednesday was my daughter's fifteenth birthday and I got to thinking about all of the things I thought or said that day which stick out in my mind. So I thought I'd put them into a little story.

A few birthdays ago...

In 1998, April 3rd was a Friday. On Wednesday, I'd went in for my routine exam and was told my blood pressure was up - not an April fool's joke. So I was scheduled to be induced on Friday. On Thursday, my mom and my in-laws came over, my husband wrapped up things at work, and I spent the day on my side on the couch waiting.

When we arrived at the hospital, the nursing staff had a long list of questions, including about drug and alcohol use. Did you smoke while you were pregnant? No. Did you use illegal drugs? No. Did you use alcohol? Yes, three or four. And the nurse's jaw dropped. I quickly clarified that was three or four alcoholic beverages over the entire pregnancy, and not per day as she intended the question.

An Oxytocin drip was started and I waited. I thought, Hey, this is pretty easy. No pain at all. And then about noon they broke my water. Within minutes, the pain started and quickly intensified. As a first-time mother, I naively thought I'd go au natural -no drugs. After about ten minutes of pain wherein I was nearly climbing and clawing at the walls (I so admire those women who gave birth before the advent of drugs), I was ready for something, but not an epidural. So they put some sort of medicine in my I.V. that made me fall asleep until I was thrust awake in excruciating pain. So I begged for the epidural.

Since I'd not said I wanted an epidural, I hadn't gone through the formality of acknowledging one could kill me. But in that moment of pain, I didn't care. Just stick that needle in my back. "Hold still," the anesthesiologist said, "or I might paralyze you." I think I remember my husband chuckle; maybe he thought the doctor was being sarcastic.

The epidural was in - sweet relief. I slept off the prior drug until it was time to push. My daughter was posterior so the labor was long and difficult. As the nurse and my husband were holding my legs and trying to tell me when to push or breath, I got really pissed. So I ignored them, screamed, and pushed as hard as I could when I damn well felt like it. The baby was born and I think after a few seconds my husband thought to ask what it was. A girl. I thought, Oh, yeah, that's important, because at that time I didn't care if they'd said it was a dog as long as it was OUT of me.

As my grandma said, childbirth is the worst pain you will ever feel, but it is also the easiest to forget. This is only somewhat true. I forgot enough to have my son about three and a half years later, but that time, I announced early into my pregnancy I wanted the epidural and asked for it during labor at the first possible moment. And yes, after a bit of time passed, I was glad my daughter was indeed a girl and not a dog (girl or boy) and it was all worth it.